East Washingtonian - Your Hometown News Source

By Eric E. McKeirnan

Guest Columnist

I like to think that at least for the time being, we have the legal right to politically satirize the things we read in the papers and see on television. Satire is a form of entertainment. If it hurts your feelings, do not read it. Call it Global Warming.

Are you one of those people that likes to plan or shop ahead? You see the ideal thing months in advance of an occasion, so you buy it knowing it will be the perfect fit.

November 20 is slow Joe’s birthday and preparation is 80% of the event. No, I did not say Preparation H. Preparedness. You know, the getting-ready part.

OK, we are going to need balloons. Big balloons, the kind you have to shoot down with jets. Who can get those for us? Hey, what about Eric Swalwell? Someone already owned by the Chinese. He speaks fluent bribery. Now, who could help to blow them up? What about Fang Fang?

Put a check by balloons, now clowns, we are going to need clowns, a lot of clowns. Joy Reid, Ass-end-Cooper, (whoops!) I meant Anderson Cooper, Don Lemming, (dang, did it again!) I meant Donny sourpuss Lemon. Oh, what the heck. Let’s hire the whole hilarious cast of NBC, CNN, ABC, CBS, PBS and numerous others as an ensemble to immortalize the accomplishments of stinky Joe in their light and untruthful manner? Hardly need any makeup to make that fly.

That is not enough clowns. We need more.

Joey’s cabinet (always good for a laugh) and his military leaders could finally perform a useful function during this administration. They already have costumes, that is a bonus! Done! They are in.

We are going to need Congress to fund this thing. What do you think? Fifty million? Nope! Let us make it $150 Mil, the same as the number of pages in the requisition. It’s a party, so let’s stuff a little pork in there, what do you say?

Other than supply the cash, what else can our elected officials do? How about nothing; the only thing they are really good at doing. We hired them to play on their cell phones and keep abreast of their factbook status, wasn’t it? Oh yea, and to send our wealth overseas.

What is a party without ice-cream? Does little Joey like ice cream? “Chocolate, chocolate chip” the only honest political reply he has given to a question.

OK, we have got balloons, clowns and ice-cream, what about gifts? That depends. No, I mean Depends! The one gift slow Joe uses more than anything else. He has a sniff about him. It’s lucky for democrats that voting machines ignore the way he smells.

What do you get a guy that has stolen everything? What about one of those soft sided garages where he can store launch codes, the rape allegations against him, classified documents and Corvettes? Call Amazon! Get it coming. I can hear the chant at the party: “Forty more years! Forty more years! Forty more years! Let’s go Brandon, our little Dictator.”